Why

Why is it that you mean so much still, that I still feel this strongly for you? I thought we were over this, I thought we had moved on to just friends and being able to maintain that composure. It's not your fault, it's mine. I caved, I can't control what I'm feeling. I can't make the memories go away. This is so tough. It's been almost a year, WOW. We're so awkward around each other because we both have so much to say but don't know how to say it. We both know exactly what the other person is thinking but how do we start that conversation? What needs to be the spark to this flame? Why are we so scared to just say what we're feeling? To just say what is on our minds everytime we run into each other? I watche you leave through my peep hole and I saw you turn around outside to see if I was watching. We're torturing ourselves, we truly are. Why? For what? I don't know either.....

Why is it that somedays....

-You want what you can't have? -You think about things that were years ago that you can't change? -We let a friend down? -We think too hard. Today I had thoughts about all of these questions. Just this last week or 2 it seems that my life has taken a slight change and it's caused a lot of thinking on my behalf. Why are all these people (old friends, ex-boyfriends, new guy friends) all seeming like different people? They are coming back into my life all of a sudden and I'm quite sure how to take it. I also have old friends that have sort of 'gone their own way' let's say that are coming back into my life. Everyone wants it to be the same as it used to be and I'm having a hard time with this. I'm not a person to hold grudges but this is just weird, I can't wrap my head around the fact that these people were once extremely close to me or completely the the opposite; I didn't know them yet; and now all of a sudden they are here in my life ALL THE TIME. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that right now I don't know how to take it. Am I excited about it, well yes. BUT I am also feeling slightly over whelmed. Is everyone meant to have a soul mate, to find the person they belong to and will be with for the rest of their lives? Somedays I think this is the case and then there are other days where all I can do is doubt that theory. Now I'm not a crazy romantic but I'm alos not someone who can sit back with no surprises, or flowers, or chocolates. I sometimes feel like it's time for my soul mate to find me, that I'm OK with being in a serious relationship, that I want to begin my life as a couple instead of just me. Is that wrong? Or it a normal thing to randomly get these thoughts?